God has felt distant the last week or two, and when I go to Him in prayer I don’t even know what to say anymore. My thoughts have been so mixed up and anxiety has crept back into my life. I suddenly feel very alone in this world, like I’m in a pitch black valley. The light at the end of the tunnel was once very bright, but now it seems as though I’ve rounded a corner and am headed in the wrong direction.
Last night, I found myself with some extra time on my hands because I actually had a productive school day (that’s very rare these days). I decided to watch a movie, and I chose God’s Not Dead: A Light In Darkness on Netflix. And I’m really glad I did. Keaton, one of the main characters, was having some doubts about God and wondering if He was really still there. She was having a difficult time because she couldn’t hear God anymore. That’s kind of where I’m at. I know He’s still there, but I can’t hear Him anymore.
Pastor Dave was going through a lot of stuff. He lost his temper later on in the movie, and that’s where I’m at too. My mom might ask me a simple question, but I’m so annoyed that I just lash out at her. I keep telling myself that in those situations I need to stay calm and answer respectfully, but in the moment I always forget.
Even as I was writing this post, I received the news from my mom that our Memorial Day plans fell through. We were going to go to Washington D.C. and I’ve been looking forward to that trip all year. But in just one morning all of that changed. Things just aren’t going the way I want them to and I feel like my whole world is slowly caving in on me.
But you know what? Jesus is the light that shines in the darkness. John 1:5–The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not defeated it (ERV). None of my doubts, anger, or disappointments will prevail because Jesus shines brighter. And we are called to be that light, too. We are to be the light of the world by showing love to the least of these.
If you’re in the valley right now, just remember that Jesus shines brighter. Keep loving, keep serving, and keep being a light for Him. He promises to be with us.